 Buffy SummersXander met Buffy in the middle (January-ish) of his sophomore year of high school; they were both already sixteen. His first words to her were "Can I have you? Uh, can I help you?" That seems to be his modus operandi with her, ever since. Because (as she told him in "Prophecy Girl") he can't have her (she just doesn't feel that way about him at that time, much as he just doesn't feel that way about Willow), Xander ends up devoting most of his free time to helping her. Helping her protect the other students, the town, and the world, essentially. Buffy is Xander's hero, and yes, that means he holds her to higher standards than he should, and is therefore surprised and disappointed when she doesn't meet them. Hey, she has the same kinds of basic bitchy days we all have, only hers are compounded by little things like having to save the world while she has PMS, and having the loss of her virginity turn her boyfriend into a homicidal stalker. The little things. Buffy relies on Xander, and tells him quite often how much she values him and his help and support. Yes, there are periods where she forgets this, cuts him -- and everyone else -- out of the loop. It's not unreasonable for Xander to feel neglected and bitter, at times. It is unreasonable to assume that Buffy hates him because of these moments of distraction and self-involvement, or that, at the end of them, she doesn't go right back to her friends and tell them how much she still loves them.
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